The Guilt Collection
by Lilia Gibson
Summary: It started with my story "Guilt" and I've taken it in a few different directions.
1. Guilt Original

Summary: Takes place after Generations.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns 'em, I'm just playing with 'em.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed. "Computer, what is the location of Doctor Crusher?" he asked.

"Doctor Crusher is in her quarters." Came the neutral reply.

"Is she alone?"

"Affirmative."

He rose and put on his robe. He stepped outside his quarters and looked around. There was no one else in the corridor. He took his time walking to her quarters, trying to see through the haze in his mind and think of the right way to say he just wanted a shoulder. When he arrived at her door, he pressed the chime but received no answer. He pressed the chime a second time without answer. The computer said she was alone in her quarters so he felt a little more secure using his override command to open her door. He glanced around before stepping in. The ambient light from outside the ship lit her quarters. He took a few steps in and stopped when he saw her lying on her bed. Only in his dreams had he seen her like that. He slowly walked to the threshold of her bedroom.

She worked later than normal tonight. When she entered her quarters she didn't even turn up the lights. She turned her door chime off and went straight to her room. She stripped off her uniform and slipped into her silk nightgown. She thought about getting some warm milk but she wanted her bed more. She sat down at the foot of her bed and slid back. She stretched and propped up her right leg. Her nightgown slipped down exposing all of her right thigh. She closed her eyes. She rested her left hand at the base of her thigh and ran her right hand through her hair.

The look on her face and the position of her body made her observer think she was doing more than relaxing. She thought she heard something and paused. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look into her living area. Jean-Luc was standing in the doorway to her bedroom.

He hadn't realized he moved after he laid eyes on her. Being caught made him loose his breath. "I…" he stammered and shook his head. "I...I'm sorry." He said as he turned around to leave.

"Jean-Luc…" she whispered as she remembered. Deanna told her about his family but by that time it was too late. The Enterprise was on a crash course for the planet below and busy was an understatement in the aftermath. She called out to him but he didn't stop. "Wait!" she commanded as she pushed herself off her bed. He stopped in his tracks. She stood just outside her bedroom door and calmly said, "Please, come back." He turned around and stepped back in her quarters. He didn't look at her. She slowly walked over to him. Mere inches between them and now he couldn't avoid looking at her. Her body was directly in the path of his downcast gaze. His eyes were still puffy and a little red. The pain aside, she swore she saw something else in his expression. She put her hands on the sides of his face. He closed his eyes as they began to fill with tears. She looked at his lips. They were trembling. She thought about stopping them with a kiss but gently touched his lips with one of her thumbs and kissed his cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered "I'm sorry, Jean-Luc. I'm so sorry." He slowly responded to her embrace. He wrapped his arms around her back. She felt so warm and alive. One arm moved to encircle her waist and his other arm moved up her back between her shoulders trying to hold as much of her to him as he could. He buried his face in her neck and breathed deeply as his sobs racked both of them. His tears formed an endless trail down her neck and chest. A few minutes passed and his sobbing quieted and his breathing slowed. She pulled back but kept her hands on his shoulders. He loosened his grip and his hands fell to her hips. He blinked the remaining tears from his eyes and was able to focus again. His eyes fell on the wet stream down her neck to her chest and under her nightgown. As he inhaled deeply his eyes continued their path down her body. It felt like a dream to him at that moment and time stopped. This didn't go unnoticed by her.

She cleared her throat and said, "Why don't you sit on the sofa and I'll get you something to drink." He blinked and when he opened his eyes he met her gaze and complied. When he walked away, she retrieved her robe from her bedroom. She used it to wipe away his tears on her chest and put it on. She wrapped it around her as best she could without a tie.

She emerged and ordered warm milk from the replicator for them both but stood there for a few seconds longer. She shook her head at herself then took a deep breath and walked their drinks to the living area. She handed him a cup and set her milk on the table in front of the sofa and wrapped her robe around her as she sat close to him. She picked up her milk and took a sip. He sat with his elbows resting on his legs. He held his cup with both hands and stared at the warm liquid. She continued to hold her cup while she clasped his right arm and rested her head on his shoulder. He blinked his acknowledgement of her presence and sipped his milk. She took one more sip of her milk and set her cup on the table. She kept her right hand on his arm but used her left to slowly and gently rub his back. She rested her chin on his shoulder and watched his face.

Her mind began to wander. She slid her right hand from his arm up his chest to his bare skin. She didn't stop there. Her hand slipped under his robe and up to his other shoulder. She tilted her head and moved closer to his neck until her lips made contact with his skin.

Suddenly, she was ripped from her fantasy by the movement of him taking a sip of his milk. To keep from startling him, she removed herself from him slowly. He looked at her face and she smiled coyly in return. She slid further back into the sofa and angled her body toward him and tucked her legs under her. She lightly rubbed her face and rested her left arm on the back of the sofa. He sighed and set his cup on the table next to hers. He slid back and leaned into the sofa and let his head fall back. He turned his head to look at her face and she smiled at him. She shifted to cover the little bit of space that separated them. As she shifted and put her hand back on his arm, her robe fell open. It caught his attention immediately. He turned his head back to look at the ceiling.

"I h…" he started to inquire if he interrupted her earlier but stopped himself. "I-um, I couldn't sleep. Actually, I was asleep but something woke me." She watched him. His brow furrowed a little with the thought of what woke him. She gently squeezed his arm urging him to continue. "I dreamt I was there." As he continued to speak, his voice became hoarse. He told her what he had learned of the accident then finished telling her of his nightmare. "I was there and there was nothing I could do but stand there and watch them burn. All I could do was watch." His tears began to fall. "Their screams woke me. It seemed so real. Part of me wants to know what exactly happened but I don't want to be haunted by that knowledge." He picked his head up and covered his face as his tears continued down his face. She wrapped her arms around him and felt his body being racked with sobs. She kissed the back of his neck as she began to cry herself. He turned toward her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He buried his face against her neck and breathed as deeply as he could. The smell of her had a calming effect on him at the moment. His respiration slowed and he rested his head against her shoulder. He opened his eyes to meet her collarbone and her open robe. She was running her hand up and down his left shoulder. The motion was causing her nightgown to reveal the slightest glimpses of her breasts to him. He closed his eyes tightly and unknowingly tightened his grip on her waist. This woke her from her consoling and she became increasingly aware of his breath on her chest. She swallowed hard and opened her eyes unsure of what to do. He had just lost his family. She didn't want to push him away but this wasn't the time to finally make the first move. It was then that she realized what else it was she saw in his eyes when he came to her quarters. Guilt. He felt her body tense and he loosened his grip and sat back. With one arm still behind her back and the other still on her waist, his gaze wandered up her body to her face. He squeezed her hip gently as he kissed her cheek.

"Thank you. I think I'll try to sleep." He said then rose from the sofa and left her quarters.


	2. Alternate 1

Summary: Takes place after Generations.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns 'em, I'm just playing with 'em.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed. "Computer, what is the location of Doctor Crusher?" he asked.

"Doctor Crusher is in her quarters." Came the neutral reply.

"Is she alone?"

"Affirmative."

He rose and put on his robe. He stepped outside his quarters and looked around. There was no one else in the corridor. He took his time walking to her quarters, trying to see through the haze in his mind and think of the right way to say he just wanted a shoulder. When he arrived at her door, he pressed the chime but received no answer. He pressed the chime a second time without answer. The computer said she was alone in her quarters so he felt a little more secure using his override command to open her door. He glanced around before stepping in. The ambient light from outside the ship lit her quarters. He took a few steps in and stopped when he saw her lying on her bed. Only in his dreams had he seen her like that. He slowly walked to the threshold of her bedroom.

She worked later than normal tonight. When she entered her quarters she didn't even turn up the lights. She turned her door chime off and went straight to her room. She stripped off her uniform and slipped into her silk nightgown. She thought about getting some warm milk but she wanted her bed more. She sat down at the foot of her bed and slid back. She stretched and propped up her right leg. Her nightgown slipped down exposing all of her right thigh. She closed her eyes. She rested her left hand at the base of her thigh and ran her right hand through her hair.

The look on her face and the position of her body made her observer think she was doing more than relaxing. She thought she heard something and paused. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look into her living area. Jean-Luc was standing in the doorway to her bedroom.

He hadn't realized he moved after he laid eyes on her. Being caught made him loose his breath. "I…" he stammered and shook his head. "I...I'm sorry." He said as he turned around to leave.

"Jean-Luc…" she whispered as she remembered. Deanna told her about his family but by that time it was too late. The Enterprise was on a crash course for the planet below and busy was an understatement in the aftermath. She called out to him but he didn't stop. "Wait!" she commanded as she pushed herself off her bed. He stopped in his tracks. She stood just outside her bedroom door and calmly said, "Please, come back." He turned around and stepped back in her quarters. He didn't look at her. She slowly walked over to him. Mere inches between them and now he couldn't avoid looking at her. Her body was directly in the path of his downcast gaze. His eyes were still puffy and a little red. The pain aside, she swore she saw something else in his expression. She put her hands on the sides of his face. He closed his eyes as they began to fill with tears. She looked at his lips. They were trembling. She thought about stopping them with a kiss but gently touched his lips with one of her thumbs and kissed his cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered "I'm sorry, Jean-Luc. I'm so sorry." He slowly responded to her embrace. He wrapped his arms around her back. She felt so warm and alive. One arm moved to encircle her waist and his other arm moved up her back between her shoulders trying to hold as much of her to him as he could. He buried his face in her neck and breathed deeply as his sobs racked both of them. His tears formed an endless trail down her neck and chest. A few minutes passed and his sobbing quieted and his breathing slowed. She pulled back but kept her hands on his shoulders. He loosened his grip and his hands fell to her hips. He blinked the remaining tears from his eyes and was able to focus again. His eyes fell on the wet stream down her neck to her chest and under her nightgown. As he inhaled deeply his eyes continued their path down her body. It felt like a dream to him at that moment and time stopped. This didn't go unnoticed by her.

She cleared her throat and said, "Why don't you sit on the sofa and I'll get you something to drink." He blinked and when he opened his eyes he met her gaze and complied. When he walked away, she retrieved her robe from her bedroom. She used it to wipe away his tears on her chest and put it on. She wrapped it around her as best she could without a tie.

She emerged and ordered warm milk from the replicator for them both but stood there for a few seconds longer. She shook her head at herself then took a deep breath and walked their drinks to the living area. She handed him a cup and set her milk on the table in front of the sofa and wrapped her robe around her as she sat close to him. She picked up her milk and took a sip. He sat with his elbows resting on his legs. He held his cup with both hands and stared at the warm liquid. She continued to hold her cup while she clasped his right arm and rested her head on his shoulder. He blinked his acknowledgement of her presence and sipped his milk. She took one more sip of her milk and set her cup on the table. She kept her right hand on his arm but used her left to slowly and gently rub his back. She rested her chin on his shoulder and watched his face.

Her mind began to wander. She slid her right hand from his arm up his chest to his bare skin. She didn't stop there. Her hand slipped under his robe and up to his other shoulder. She tilted her head and moved closer to his neck until her lips made contact with his skin.

Suddenly, she was ripped from her fantasy by the movement of him taking a sip of his milk. To keep from startling him, she removed herself from him slowly. He looked at her face and she smiled coyly in return. She slid further back into the sofa and angled her body toward him and tucked her legs under her. She lightly rubbed her face and rested her left arm on the back of the sofa. He sighed and set his cup on the table next to hers. He slid back and leaned into the sofa and let his head fall back. He turned his head to look at her face and she smiled at him. She shifted to cover the little bit of space that separated them. As she shifted and put her hand back on his arm, her robe fell open. It caught his attention immediately. He turned his head back to look at the ceiling.

"I h…" he started to inquire if he interrupted her earlier but stopped himself. "I-um, I couldn't sleep. Actually, I was asleep but something woke me." She watched him. His brow furrowed a little with the thought of what woke him. She gently squeezed his arm urging him to continue. "I dreamt I was there." As he continued to speak, his voice became hoarse. He told her what he had learned of the accident then finished telling her of his nightmare. "I was there and there was nothing I could do but stand there and watch them burn. All I could do was watch." His tears began to fall. "Their screams woke me. It seemed so real. Part of me wants to know what exactly happened but I don't want to be haunted by that knowledge." He picked his head up and covered his face as his tears continued down his face. She wrapped her arms around him and felt his body being racked with sobs. She kissed the back of his neck as she began to cry herself. He turned toward her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He buried his face against her neck and breathed as deeply as he could. The smell of her had a calming effect on him at the moment. His respiration slowed and he rested his head against her shoulder. He opened his eyes to meet her collarbone and her open robe. She was running her hand up and down his left shoulder. The motion was causing her nightgown to reveal the slightest glimpses of her breasts to him. He closed his eyes tightly and unknowingly tightened his grip on her waist. This woke her from her consoling and she became increasingly aware of his breath on her chest. She swallowed hard and opened her eyes unsure of what to do. He had just lost his family. She didn't want to push him away but this wasn't the time to finally make the first move. It was then that she realized what else it was she saw in his eyes when he came to her quarters. Guilt. He felt her body tense and he loosened his grip and sat back. With one arm still behind her back and the other still on her waist, his gaze wandered up her body to her face. He squeezed her hip gently as he kissed her cheek.

"Thank you. I think I'll try to sleep." He said then rose from the sofa and left her quarters.

The feeling of lightness was only momentary and left him as soon as the doors to her quarters shut. He knew there would be no one else in the corridor but he continued the facade for himself until he entered the solitude of his own quarters. He stopped just inside the door. He could go back. Go back and make love to her. He could feel she was so close. He inhaled deeply and shook his head at himself. At some point, before he was ready to deal with it, they would both wonder where they would end up. She would pose the question almost immediately. Her concerns under the circumstances would be valid. He too would wonder between interludes with her, while he wasn't immersed in work or thinking of Robert and Rene. Of course he would want it to continue. He would want - does want all of her. His questions would be does she want the same thing and will she follow through if she does.

"No." He whispered to himself. He walked to his bedroom and draped his shed robe over a chair. He sat on the edge of his bed rubbed his hands up his face and over his head. He didn't want to think about that now. He closed his eyes and all he could see at that moment was visions of her laying on her bed that evening and the sight of her in her grandmother's house on Caldos. Her body reclined in the chair in front of the fireplace, being pleasured by another…being. The latter was something that woke him many nights and kept him awake. Now, the former would surely do the same. Any other night, those visions would serve only to leave him frustrated and sometimes bitter. Tonight, maybe they would prevent the nightmares.

It had been several weeks since the night he visited her. They continued their breakfasts and occasional dinners together. She would ask how he was and without further prompting he would update her on his nightmares. They haunted him nightly for a couple weeks then decreased and continued to decrease until they were a horrible memory. The last time he reported the nightmare was just over two weeks ago as of yesterday morning. She became attuned to the nights it tortured him. The following mornings his eyes would be hooded with pain. It would be several minutes before he was able to meet her gaze without tears in his eyes. The nightmares were virtually gone and, in Deanna's words, his recovery was progressing. That meant he was dealing with his loss. It was true and he would continue to progress but, he also has a demon to contend with. While it wasn't something she had given much thought to over the years, its presence became pronounced since she heard of his family and was compounded by her long-denied feelings for him. Over the years, as he and Wesley grew close, the fact that he had no children began to trouble him. Eventually, it was no longer a matter of being relieved of the burden of carrying on the family name. It became an empty space inside him. With the death of Rene, that empty space was magnified by the burden of being the last Picard.

She thought of that night nearly every night since. The one night, over all other nights, she was glad she thought about it. It would have been so easy to make him forget the pain. To surround him and envelope him but it wouldn't have been the right time to make the move she thought about making for so many years. The move she reconsidered out of fear every time. As she lay in bed, she was tired of thinking.

"Computer, location of Captain Picard."

The computer responded without question, "Captain Picard is in his quarters."

"Is he alone?"

"Affirmative."

She deliberately pushed back the covers and sat on the edge of her bed.

"Don't think about it!" She whispered to herself and stood up. She pulled her robe over her shoulders and wrapped it around her as she peered into the corridor self-consciously. It was unlikely she would see anyone else. She stepped out of her quarters and walked quickly to his door. She raised her hand to press the chime, then repeated herself again. "Don't think about it!"

She used her medical override to access his quarters. She quickly stepped in letting the doors shut behind her. She scanned the living area then walked directly to his bedroom door. She stopped and watched him for a moment. She wondered what he was dreaming about. She walked into his room and slid her robe off. She left it on the floor where it landed and rounded the bed to face his sleeping form. She gently pulled the covers back and slid into bed on her side. She paused a moment and cupped the side of his face.

"Jean-Luc." She whispered and waited. He opened his eyes slowly, squinting for clarity. After a few seconds she could see he registered who she was. His eyes opened a little wider and scanned her features then travelled down her body. He furrowed his brows and swallowed. He looked back to her face.

"Beverly, what are you doing here?" he said sleepily. She smiled and rested her head on the pillow. She slid her hand down his chest to his waist and closed the gap between their bodies then kissed him softly. He responded to her kiss but seemed hesitant. His hand hovered over her elbow.

"Jean-Luc, this isn't a dream." She pecked his lips playfully and looked into his eyes as she placed his hand on her hip. She kissed him deeper this time. She slid her hand around his back and under the lip of his shorts and squeezed the flesh beneath. He inhaled through their kiss and responded in kind, pulling her to him. The sensation of her pressed against him and the thin, silky material of her nightgown being the only barrier between his hand and her posterior fully awakened and excited him. He moved his other hand from under his pillow to between the pillow and her neck as their kissed deepened and they began to fully explore each other's mouths. He pulled back and stared at her as a realization hit him.

"You're not wearing any panties." He said breathlessly. She smiled.

"I wasn't thinking." She laughed and continued their kiss.


	3. Alternate 2

Summary: Takes place after Generations.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns 'em, I'm just playing with 'em.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed. "Computer, what is the location of Doctor Crusher?" he asked.

"Doctor Crusher is in her quarters." Came the neutral reply.

"Is she alone?"

"Affirmative."

He rose and put on his robe. He stepped outside his quarters and looked around. There was no one else in the corridor. He took his time walking to her quarters, trying to see through the haze in his mind and think of the right way to say he just wanted a shoulder. When he arrived at her door, he pressed the chime but received no answer. He pressed the chime a second time without answer. The computer said she was alone in her quarters, which made him feel a little more secure using his override command to open her door. He glanced around before he stepped in. The ambient light from outside the ship lit her quarters. He took a few steps in and stopped when he saw her lying on her bed. Only in his dreams had he seen her like that.

She worked later than normal tonight. When she entered her quarters she didn't even turn up the lights. She turned her door chime off and went straight to her room. She stripped off her uniform and slipped into her silk nightgown. She thought about getting some warm milk but she wanted her bed more. She sat down on the foot of her bed and slid back. She stretched and propped up her right leg. Her nightgown slipped down exposing all of her right thigh. She closed her eyes. She rested her left hand at the base of her thigh and ran her right hand through her hair.

The look on her face and the position of her body made her observer think she was doing more than relaxing. She thought she heard something and paused. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look into her living area. Jean-Luc was standing in the doorway to her bedroom.

He hadn't realized he moved after he laid eyes on her. Being caught made him loose his breath. "I…I…" he stammered and shook his head. "I'm sorry." He said as he turned around to leave.

"Jean-Luc…" she whispered as she remembered. Deanna told her about his family but by that time it was too late. The Enterprise was on a crash course for the planet below and busy was an understatement in the aftermath. She sat upright on her bed and called out to him but he didn't stop. "Wait!" she commanded as she pushed herself off her bed. He stopped in his tracks. She stood just outside her bedroom door and calmly said, "Please, come back." He turned around and stepped back in her quarters. He didn't look at her – he couldn't. She slowly walked over to him. Mere inches between them and now he couldn't avoid looking at her. Her body was directly in the path of his downcast gaze. His eyes were still puffy and a little red. The pain aside, she swore she saw something else in his expression. She put her hands on the sides of his face. He began to feel the familiar pressure build be his eyes and the sting of tears as they formed. He closed his eyes as they filled with tears. She looked at his lips. They were trembling. Her first instinct was to stop them with a kiss but instead she gently touched his lips with one of her thumbs and kissed his cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, "I'm sorry, Jean-Luc. I'm so sorry." He slowly responded to her embrace and wrapped his arms around her back as tears rolled down his face. One arm moved down to encircle her waist and his other arm moved up her back between her shoulder blades trying to hold as much of her to him as he could. She felt so warm and alive. He buried his face against her neck and breathed deeply as his sobs racked both of them. She knew his pain and she felt it permeate her. His tears formed an endless trail down her neck and chest. "Oh, God." She whispered to herself and held him tighter.

After some time had passed, his sobbing quieted and she felt him take deep breaths in an effort to calm himself. He loosened his hold on her and she pulled back to look at his face. She gave him a small, sad smile as she cupped the sides of his face and wiped his tears away with her thumbs. She looked as though she wanted to ask him something but she blinked and exhaled quietly with resignation.

"Let's go lay down and see if we can get some sleep." He nodded complacently.

When they were both settled, she watched the shadows darken his face. She put a hand on his chest. He looked down at her hand but stayed in the shadows.

"Jean-Luc?" She said softly. He finally looked in her eyes. "Maybe it would help you to talk about it. What brought you here?" He inhaled deeply through his mouth and slowly let it out.

"I don't know much. The local officials are still investigating." He paused a moment. "I've been having the same nightmare since I learned of their deaths. Sometimes, I have it more than once a night. It never changes. I'm standing in the house while it's burning. I can see and smell the smoke. I see them burning. Their screams wake me every time." Tears began streaming down his face and his cries shook him. She slid against him and held him. He wrapped his outer arm around her and buried his face between the pillow and her neck.

When his lamentation subsided again, he pulled away just enough to lay his head on the pillow, face-to-face with her but still close enough to be within the comfort of her arms. She wiped away the tears on the exposed side of his face as he watched her eyes follow her hand.

"This is what I came here for. I needed a shoulder, I needed solace from someone I felt close to." As he trailed off, he had trouble looking into her eyes. He was afraid he would cry again if he did and he was too tired so he slowly looked over her features.

"Then," She began slowly. "Why did you try to leave?" She thought it was an innocent question.

"What?" He looked in her eyes. He heard her but what she was referring to didn't register.

"Earlier tonight. Why did you try to leave?" Her eyes were still soft but there was confusion behind them. He looked at a point beyond her shoulder and his mind pictured her as he saw her earlier that evening and she saw the same expression she couldn't place earlier return. He blinked it away and kept his eyes averted. She was too close. How do you tell someone who doesn't want more than friendship from you that you think you walked in on them… He couldn't think of a lie that was believable and moving away from her would only fuel her confusion and curiosity. Leaving wasn't an option either. That would anger her and certainly put another void between them. Think of it like pulling off a band-aid, he thought and kept his eyes focused on that point beyond her as he spoke quietly.

"I thought you were…" The image flashed before him and he began to falter. "It looked like you were…" He cleared his throat to keep his desire at bay and jar the image from his mind's eye. He swallowed hard. "I thought I was interrupting you…" Why the hell couldn't she figure it out, he struggled with himself to just say it. He furrowed his brows and blinked hard. "I thought you were pleasuring yourself when I walked in…" His voice trailed off so low she barely heard the end of his confession. She wasn't sure what his reason would be but she didn't expect this. The shock didn't register in her face, it held her questioning expression in place as her eyes continued to bore into him. After a minute, she blinked and looked away from his face as she thought back just before she saw him in her quarters. When her mind validated his observation she looked at his face again. She then understood his unidentifiable expression and knew what he was thinking. It wasn't true and it was her fault for allowing him to think it. She leaned over and kissed his lips. It was a kiss much like the one she had given him not long ago in his quarters. Their lips had barely parted when she kissed him again, lingering and slow, waiting for his response and allowing herself to feel the contour of his body against hers. He slowly responded to her and as he did, his hold on her tightened. She felt her face flush and the heat roll down her neck and spread throughout her body. As it did, she deepened their kiss and felt a familiar ache. She broke their kiss, breathless.

"I wasn't…" She said and kissed him passionately. "But the mere mention of it…" She said as she reached down between them and smiled devilishly at him.


	4. Alternate 3

Summary: Takes place after Generations.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns 'em, I'm just playing with 'em.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up in bed. "Computer, what is the location of Doctor Crusher?" he asked.

"Doctor Crusher is in her quarters." Came the neutral reply.

"Is she alone?"

"Affirmative."

He rose and put on his robe. He stepped outside his quarters and looked around. There was no one else in the corridor. He took his time walking to her quarters, trying to see through the haze in his mind and think of the right way to say he just wanted a shoulder. When he arrived at her door, he pressed the chime but received no answer. He pressed the chime a second time without answer. The computer said she was alone in her quarters so he felt a little more secure using his override command to open her door. He glanced around before stepping in. The ambient light from outside the ship lit her quarters. He took a few steps in and stopped when he saw her lying on her bed. Only in his dreams had he seen her like that. He slowly walked to the threshold of her bedroom.

She worked later than normal tonight. When she entered her quarters she didn't even turn up the lights. She turned her door chime off and went straight to her room. She stripped off her uniform and slipped into a silk nightgown. She thought about getting some warm milk but she wanted her bed more. She sat down on the foot of her bed and slid back. She stretched her arms over her head until her hands touched her pillow and her legs were parallel to the floor. She propped up her right leg on the bed and let her left leg dangle off the bed. Her nightgown slipped down exposing all of her right thigh. She closed her eyes as she rested her left hand at the base of her thigh and ran her right hand through her hair.

The look on her face and the position of her body made her observer think she was doing more than relaxing. She thought she heard something and paused. She opened her eyes and turned her head to look into her living area. Jean-Luc was standing in the doorway to her bedroom.

He hadn't realized he moved after he laid eyes on her. Being caught made him loose his breath. "I…" he stammered and shook his head. "I...I'm sorry." He said as he turned around to leave.

"Jean-Luc…" she whispered as she remembered. Deanna told her about his family but by that time it was too late. The Enterprise was on a crash course for the planet below and busy was an understatement in the aftermath. She called out to him but he didn't stop. "Wait!" she commanded as she pushed herself off her bed. He stopped in his tracks. She stood just outside her bedroom door and calmly said, "Please, come back." He turned around and stepped back in her quarters. He didn't look at her. She slowly walked over to him. Mere inches between them and now he couldn't avoid looking at her. Her body was directly in the path of his downcast gaze. His eyes were still puffy and a little red. The pain aside, she swore she saw something else in his expression. She put her hands on the sides of his face. He closed his eyes as much to avoid looking at her body and the desire he felt when he did as the pain he felt. With the combination of her compassion and thinking of his family, he felt the familiar pressure build behind his eyes and the sting as they began to fill with tears. She looked at his lips. They were trembling. She wanted to stop them with a kiss but gently touched his lips with one of her thumbs and kissed his cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered "I'm sorry, Jean-Luc. I'm so sorry." He slowly responded to her embrace, laying his hands lightly on the middle of her back. As his tears fell, his arms wrapped around her and his fingers fanned across her back and he held her tightly. He buried his face against her neck and breathed deeply as his sobs racked both of them. His tears formed an endless trail down her neck and chest. She soothingly rubbed the back of his neck and shoulders.

Several minutes passed, his sobbing quieted and his breathing slowed and he became aware of her consoling hands and bare skin. One arm slid low on her back and his other arm moved up between her shoulder blades trying to hold as much of her to him as he could. She felt so warm and alive. She felt the length of his body against hers and her hands stopped in place when she thought she felt his growing arousal. Warning bells sounded in her mind. There could a dozen or more reasons he was… Her train of thought was interrupted, her breath caught in her throat, her body tensed when his lips touched her skin. His lips held the moisture of his shed tears on her skin as he kissed up her neck. She closed her eyes as her body started to respond to him. This was wrong. It was the wrong time. He let the fingers of his hand that was resting between her shoulders guide his hand, never leaving her skin, up to her neck. His hand came to rest at the base of her neck under her jawbone.

"Jean-Luc." She said his name pleadingly as his thumb caressed her cheek and he pulled back just enough to look at her face. He knew all too well what she was thinking and there was no doubt this would complicate their delicate relationship and leave them both with questions they would be afraid to ask but he didn't want to think about that now. He searched her face for objection and found hesitation at the front trying to push her desire out of view but it was there. With his hand still cupping the side of her face, he closed the small gap he opened between them and kissed her tenderly. Her body was still tense and motionless but his lips gently insisted and she slowly responded. As her body relaxed against him, he gradually intensified and deepened their kiss. This time, she wasn't the only who noticed his arousal. He broke their kiss, breathless and leaned his forehead against hers for a moment.

"Maybe we should sleep tonight." He said and looked into her eyes as he let go of her body and held out his hand. She felt somewhat relieved that he didn't verbalize what she knew they both were thinking and coyly smiled at him as she took his hand and led him to her bedroom. She walked to the closest side of the bed and stopped while he walked around to the other side of the bed and shed his robe. She watched as his robe fell from his body and swallowed hard. She'd seen his body many times before in a physicians' capacity but never as a friend, or lover. He pulled back the covers and slid into bed. He laid his head on the pillow beneath him. His right arm lay down the length of his body against the bed while he pulled the covers over himself then pulled back the covers where she stood. He watched as she sat on the bed, swung her legs up and under the covers, turned on her side and slid near him but kept several inches between them. She looked at his tired and pained features and smiled at him. When he managed a small smile in return, she brought her hand up and cupped the side of his face. He put his left hand on her arm then leaned up and kissed her. As their kiss slowly deepened, he intertwined the fingers of his hand between their bodies with hers. He pulled up their intertwined hands and pulled her to him with his other hand. She felt his arousal again and felt her face and neck flush with heat that rolled down the rest of her body. He moved his hand up her back where he could make full contact with her skin. She broke their kiss, breathless, and looked at his face.

"I thought you said we should sleep." He smiled.

"I did but I didn't say that's all I'd like to do." A paused then said, "Besides, its not everyday I'm allowed to kiss you." And with that, he kissed her again with as much passion as he could allow himself without getting out of control. She responded with no hesitation. His head was swimming. Kissing her was better than he dreamed and he didn't want to stop. He felt this is how they should be, should have been for some time…and should always be. So much time wasted apart…so much time wasted. So much gone, lost forever. On that line of thought, Robert and Rene entered his thoughts again. He broke their kiss and buried his face against her neck as his tears started falling. She pulled her hand from his and slid her arm under his head, she inched her body up on the pillows a little, so she could hold him. This time, as she held him and rubbed his back and shoulders, she couldn't stop her own tears. He held her to him while his head rested against her chest under her chin. She caringly rubbed his shoulders and back then leaned down to kiss his temple and laid her head against the pillow again.

She awoke some hours later, in roughly the same position she fell asleep in. He was sleeping, face-to-face with her. The hand that was around her was now resting on her waist while his other hand was leaning against the base of her thigh. She closed her eyes as her mind drifted back, earlier that night. She was so conflicted. All she could think was it was wrong. She heard herself think it repeatedly. Why was it wrong? She wasn't taking advantage of him. If anyone was taking advantage, he was. He just lost his family and needed a distraction from the pain. Was that it? Is that all she would be? This was Jean-Luc, not some other man. This was the man who lusted after and loved her since their introduction so many years ago. She wanted this. She wanted him, more than she ever did. So, was she ready? Was she ready to let go of the familiar boundaries she set for them?

Suddenly, she felt a kiss on her lips. It was a tentative yet lingering kiss. A good morning kiss. She smiled when he pulled back to look at her face. This time, she kissed him. She was ready.


End file.
